my footsteps have traced this path
early many mornings
in the ashen sky before dawn
as i leave you in the empty bed

a sleeping dog; i cannot let you lie
your teeth pierce my skin
i am punctured
i leak failure regret and pain
i am surprised that the acid pouring from my eyes
the salt, has not marked the ground
seared through, burnt into it as it has to me.

though i see you every day
you are absent from your shell
i am left
clinging to false memories
struggling to make the pieces of two different puzzles fit
we contrast
the image stumbles
blunt cardboard edges fraying

my layers are visible, exposed, rusting away.
again i am wrong, again i have failed
again i return
purely simply sadly

attempting to cross the broken bridge
and touch your smile again.

i buckle before your past
as it rises to the surface
like oil, sticky
dirty
poison.

now you are something else
as you predicted you would be
what feels like so long ago
and what i am struck by is
how different all this reality is.

you are the papercut
from the turning of the page
inevitable, necessary
clumsy, painful
invisible, niggling
sharp.

sometimes
i think i could walk for miles
to leave myself behind.

Well, I was right about one thing. Taking a creative writing course has encouraged me to write much more than before - not just because I have assessment, but more I think that now I feel entitled to think of myself as a writer. In a strange way it helps. Anyway. Exerpts from the latest collection: unpolished and unfinished, the real, raw deal. As always, would love to hear comments :D.

Lecture

everything is stark
a hundred faces stare
silently numb in the darkness

pristine, a woman speaks
tight curls, sharp voice
she drones
and they pretend to listen

though all around them is white
and their colours are muted before the giant screen
inside they buzz
a million things occurring to them
all at once
none about the woman
the film
or the money they paid
absentmindedly
simply to be here
elite
in the almost night
appearing to sleep.

Consequences

you have trespassed into my heart
crossed the invisible borders and set up camp

you are making your mark
and i feel every hesitant footstep
every silent breath

i wanted you to stay
but not like this.

abandoned

weeds entangle my legs
they seek human comfort
presence that is missing

old boards creak slowly
aching like bones
chilled from a winter dawn

harsh light hits the tattered, untouched curtains
and inside my footsteps remain
embedded in the fragile death that
cloaks every surface,
lightly

nothing and everything has ceased
even breathing here is laboured
it is the home of the forgotten
the departed
embrace of the silent and still

somewhere out there
the rain is covering the sky
in sweet clear bitterness
and turquoise light

you are out there in it, and
you radiate that light.
you are the centre of this whirlpool
everything swirls around you.

match the green in your eyes
with the warmth of your smile
i don't want you to ever fade away

you are sunny days eating lunch outside
you are dancing amidst a hundred other people
you are kissing in the silence of the darkness

you are laughing

you are laughter

and i cannot stop

draft 2 of a poem i wrote...mmm...a month ago?
i was reminded of it the other night.
comments would be lovely!

fragile joy

part of me would love to take you
into my arms, my heart and my life
but i know myself far too well

i love you too honestly
to endanger you with my
flippant fluctuation
my treacherously enigmatic soul

how can i truly explain myself to you
if i can't even see clearly in myself
not who i am, but who i will be
tomorrow

i've hurt too many world-weary souls
now i can see the siren in myself
i will never sing for you
or draw you in on my silken line
and the innocent shall remain so

nothing is sadder than a cynic
who was once the most joyful and lighthearted of children

i have seen your glowing face uplifted to the sun
please promise me you'll keep this feeling close
for it may evaporate without a word
like mist before the footsteps of the dawn


this is, by the way, total evasion of my creative writing *assignment*, due monday, that i haven't started yet...ok, starting right now! :)

you entice me, call my name
you are darkness

for once i am entirely
responsible for my own
there are no excuses

i dive over the edge
pinwheeling into the infinite curiosity

i cannot resist
i am impatiens
bright, tiny, quickly flowering
in the night

spinning inside a marble
inertia
i cannot pause to think
or breathe

and so i kiss you.

I know that I'm good at exaggerations, but I cannot overemphasise just how fantastic college is. Everything I wanted, and then some.

Stacks of new friends, always someone to talk to, everyone is smart and funny and interesting and talented...and so friendly.

Wonderful to get involved without being worried that I'm being too full on, too enthusiastic - everyone loves that here. Somehow I also wound up with a lead role in the college play, which I was stunned by - especially considering that there are only a few main parts, and 11 people total. I play the sexy art-expert mistress of the lead guy, an up-and-coming political schemer...don't know how I wound up with the role, but it'll be great fun!!

I completely lost my voice this week. I *never* lose my voice...it was so annoying! But soon (when it comes back properly) everyone will be able to hear me loud and clear...hehehe....

Must sign off. Things to do, people to see, lectures to attend, etc etc...Hopefully will be back to update soon!